"Yes", "Not Yet" and "I've Got Something Better"

So I haven't been updating my spiritual journey as often as I perhaps should, but in light of the past two weeks, I needed to update the blog.  Here I am on September 13th, very grateful and life is good, but one month ago, I didn't anticipate how I would get here.  God had his infinite plan in store for our family.  I chose the title for this blog since I believe God answers ALL prayer.  Yes you heard me, ALL prayer.  And I believe he answers them in one of three ways, "Yes", "Not yet" or "I've got something better".  We got all three answers in the last four weeks.

I am so blessed that God entrusted me with four of His children to raise, love, nurture, discipline and teach.  My oldest is a twelve-year old boy, and like most parents do,  I think the world of him.  Yes, he is twelve, about to be a teenager (in a matter of weeks now), and has his moments, but so did I when I was a teenager.  I got to be there when he made his decision for Christ last summer.  I've made all but one (swine flu) of his football games over the past three seasons, and now I'm getting involved with his Middle School Boys Bible Study on Wednesdays.  So I'm quite close to him. 

On the morning of Saturday, August 21 he mentioned to me that he had coughed up some blood that morning.  My mind instantly was saying "RED ALERT! TIME OUT!  WHAT???!!!".  But as calmly as I could, I asked, "How long has this been going on?"  "About a week," was his response.  Now I'm an emotional guy, so I would normally have been a bit overactive to that response.  See my first thoughts were "coughing up blood -> he's a football player -> Ernie Davis -> The Express -> Leukemia".  Twelve year-old boys who are in great health just don't do that.  Well, again, I surprised myself with my response.  ", that is not normal.  You need to tell your mother and I if that ever happens again.  okay?".  To which he agreed.  His mother and discussed and decided that it since it only happened in the mornings, it may have been drainage since he had some congestion a week earlier and he does get bloody noses from time to time.  We said if it happens again, we'd take him to the doctor.  Sounded like the reasonable thing a reasonable loving parent would do, right? I still had a bad feeling in my gut about this, it just didn't feel right.  So we prayed that he would be okay, God said "Not yet."

Mind you during this time, his complexion is getting paler and paler (something we did not notice living with him) but his best friend joked about how pale he was one Wednesday night at practice.  Archive that thought for later in the story.

So the weekend passes and he doesn't cough.  Monday he has football practice and for the first time ever, he throws up on the field.  My beautiful bride notices that he feels like he might have a low-grade fever, so we agree to take him to his pediatrician on Tuesday.  Remember, this entire time we are praying for healing for him, but it was more praying like "Help him not have the flu, or feel better from a cold" type prayer.  Looking back, I see God used this opportunity to challenge our praying by saying "I've got something better" in store. 

Our son goes to the doctor and a diagnosis was given, pneumonia and anemia.  His pale skin was evidence of being anemic and the doctor heard fluid in his lungs so pneumonia.  He was given antibiotics to take and they drew some blood to check his hemoglobin and just to make sure nothing else was wrong.  It still didn't make sense, the pneumonia part, because he didn't cough throughout the day.  Something wasn't adding up, so we prayed for answers, "Not Yet" is what we got.  I distinctly remember working out with a friend at work that day, August 24th.  I told him the story and said, "I'm just worried the blood work could come back bad - like cancer or something".  He said, "And what if it does".  I said, "I don't know".  I don't remember his exact words, but it was something along the lines of, "God will be there for you no matter what".     Fast-forward to Wednesday....

Its lunchtime, Wednesday, August 25th.  I am getting ready to have a lunch meeting with 6 other men from work.  We are having our final meeting concluding our book study Every Man's Battle which is a phenomenal and challenging book to do with a group of Christian men.  The phone rings, its my wife.  My heart sinks.  I know why she's calling.  The blood work came back.

Me: Hello
Wife: (crying on the other end) We have to take (son's name) to the emergency room. (I'm numb now)
Me: Ok, I'll leave right away
Wife: The doctor said its not an emergency but to go as soon as possible. 

She said something else after that, but I didn't hear it.  I hung up and went back into the room and told the guys that we had to take my son to the hospital for further tests.  At this point we hadn't ruled out anything, including cancer.  I was scared.  I was raw.  But the guys rallied around me.  They laid hands on me and prayed for us and our son.  I thanked them and walked to my car.   I dont' remember stepping much during that walk, but I do distinctly remember saying one thing out loud in the parking lot.  "Satan, you will NOT take my son, in the name of Jesus!"  I've never done anything like that before.  I wanted to make a stance and make it clear to the enemy that "As for me and my household, we will serve the LORD" (Joshua 24:15).  I drove to the hospital that afternoon and spoke with my mother who is a Nurse Practitioner along the way.  We decided on the way that worse case, this is leukemia or cancer and best case it is iron deficiency anemia. I also made a few other calls to those closest to me to get the prayer circles fired up.  

"Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven." -Matthew 18:19

I got to the ER and my wife and son were waiting.  We got to be admitted immediately since our doctor called ahead.  He got chest X-Rays and more blood work and we went home.  Again, prayer, again "Not Yet" the answer.  We waited for what seemed like hours, then the house phone rang, it was the pediatrician.


Doc: "It appears he has pneumonia and severe anemia.  We have definitely ruled out cancer and leukemia."  Right then I sent up a huge "PRAISE GOD!!"   We got a "Yes" answer to prayer about it not being the worst case scenario.  However things still didn't make complete sense, not even to the doctor.  She had been on the phone with a colleague from Scottish Rite who also agreed with her diagnosis, based upon the information given.  So we continued with iron supplements, rest and the antibiotics.


For the next few days we kept an eye on him which wasn't a very hard thing to do since he just slept a lot, laid on the couch and got caught up on all the movies and TV Shows he had been missing due to football, school, church and golf.  On Saturday, August 28th,  our boys (we have three of them) started football.  Of course #47 (our oldest) was not playing for his team on that given day, but his doctor did say that he could go to the games and sit and watch if he were feeling like it.  He made it through #6's (my youngest son) game at 9 am just fine, but when we got to #53's (my middle son) game, within 15 minutes of sitting down, he looked very pale and told us "I want to go home."  This really alarmed us.  Twelve year-old boys don't normally ask to go home unless something is seriously wrong, oh and I forgot to mention that he had completed his antibiotics early Saturday morning.  And also early Saturday morning he coughed up blood and both mom and I got to see it.  So my angelic mother-in-law (who has been critical in helping us - we couldn't have gone through this without her) took our sick son home, and we followed quickly behind once #53's game was over.

My wife called the pediatrician and she instructed us to take our oldest son to Children's Healthcare of Atlanta (CHOA) for a possible blood transfusion, that his weakness and other symptoms were because he was not responding to the Iron supplements. 

Real quick here, another great blessing of God doing for us what we cannot do for ourselves, being near the city of Atlanta, our family is blessed to have access to world class children's healthcare.  Praise God for that!

My son at Children's Healthcare of Atlanta - Emory.  He was there five days and got the greatest care anyone could ask for.  Notice how white his skin tone is.

We got to CHOA (formerly Egleston) at Emory Saturday afternoon and that began my son's journey.  We were quickly taken back after going through triage and he was given an IV very quickly and subsequently given fluids.  My son had more chest X-Rays done, more blood work drawn, internal and external exams administered (including one where he asked me, "Daddy, have you ever been through this?" to which I had to say, "No, buddy, I'm sorry you have to").  He was then admitted later that evening and was transferred under the care of the Hematologist, which meant he was located on the AFLAC Cancer Center floor at CHOA.  At this point, no one had a clue what was going on, but they did start to believe what they initially saw as fluid in his lungs was not normal fluid associated with pneumonia, but perhaps blood.  Especially with him coughing up blood. This lead us down more scary paths.  He could have some type of autoimmune disorder like lupus or Wegener's or goodpastures disease.  He may have some sort of vasculitis or some other cardio-pulmonary disorder.  Whew!  I was stressed at this point.  I called my mom on the way home and she asked how I was doing after we discussed my son's condition.  I mentioned to her that I was most stressed about not knowing.  I remember saying, "If we can just name it, then we can treat it."  However, God answered that prayer "I've got something better". The prayers were going up for him big time now, as we received calls, texts, facebook messages, e-mails and other notifications. 

Before I left the hospital, my son's wonderful football team (of which he has been a part of for 3 years now) found out about his condition.  My son normally leads his team in prayer right before they take the field for the game.  We found our through our wonderful neighbor that his best friend did the honor of praying this game and they all wore the number 47 (see picture) on their arms in honor of our son....my wife was crying, I was tearing up, it was very touching.  I do believe God was using him to teach something about the power and prayer and faith to his team as well.  How awesome He is!  God uses situations in our lives that we would never choose to be a part of or want to go through for His glory and for His gain.   But then when we come out on the other side, we realize, "Oh, that's what you meant, God!"  This is one of those situations.  Although we couldn't always see that as we were going through it.

By the way, his team won 32-0.

Hospital, Day 2: Sunday, August 29th:
I spent the night at home, my wife at the hospital.  I woke up many times during the night much like when I travel and feel out of sorts.  Later on Sunday morning, my mother-in-law stayed with the kids and I headed to the hospital  so that I could bring lunch to my wife and son.  Sunday, we had our first visitors: My son's godfather (my wife's uncle) and a very close family friend that is also my son's godmother.  She had another close friend with a child at CHOA and was floating back and forth all week long.  Before I got there, several specialists came in to see him that day and at one point, they thought they may discharge him that afternoon/evening.  While that was certainly an answer to a specific prayer (help him come home soon), in retrospect, it would not have been a good thing if they had.  Fortunately, the pulmanologist and rheumatologist both wanted to do some further testing (including a bronchscopy - where they insert a camera down the lungs in order to take pictures).

Before I got there, my wife informed me that our son had been transferred to the AFLAC Cancer Center.  Well, when I got off the elevator, it was BAM! right there  - the AFLAC Cancer Center. It struck me significantly, thinking "WOW, I'm really in the place I've heard about that treats children for cancer."  Now I'll tell you that the place is wonderful with a great environment for the very sick children for which they provide care.  There are video games, music rooms, many activity places to help kids feel a bit more normal, or as one of the staff informed me, "a home away from home".

Later that day we got some "NOT YET" answers to prayer.  We hoped to be going home that day, but after a visit with the Pulmonologist and Hematologist we got some news, my son needed a Bronchoscopy, which would take place Monday morning as well as a likely transfusion, but that transfusion would not take place until all testing had been completed.  So now we are looking at a prolonged stay at this hospital.  No quick return home here.

After that news, Sunday became a slow day.  We saw a few doctors, nurses and techs.  We also had many tests run and vitals taken.  But being a weekend, it was just enough work to keep my son from getting needed rest, but not enough for significant results to be seen.  We did have several visitors on Sunday.  A few friends of my son's visited him in the hospital later that afternoon.  It certainly brought a smile to my sons' face.  It would be the first of many friends to pay him a visit throughout the week.

Through the wonders of social networking, text messages, and phone calls, word got around to all of our core circles of friends and family that we were spending significant time in the hospital with our sick oldest son.  By that evening, a meal list had been created, prayer lists were being ammended and many reached out personally to see what they could do to help.  I believe that is one prayer that is always answered "YES", our cry out to God for help.  Sometimes our hearts and minds aren't open to how He answers that prayer, but I can tell you from my experience that He always does answer that prayer.  This time, I didn't expect to get the outpouring of love that we received.  It started Sunday and continues to this day.

Later that evening, I left my wife and son at the hospital and drove the hour back to my house.  Fortunately my second son was at a friends' house all day and my mother-in-law was with our two youngest children.  I was thinking we are truly blessed during this time!

Hospital, Day 3: Monday, August 30th
I informed my boss that I would be missing significant time at work this week (and thanks be to God for a very supportive company) and headed to the hopsital once my mother-in-law came over that morning so I could be there in time for my son's procedure.  The procedure was supposed to start at 8 AM, but as with everything in the hospital world, it operates on hospital time.  Which was fine for everyone except my son who was fasting for this procedure.  Early that morning, during my drive in to fight traffic, I heard that it may be mid afternoon before they get a chance to do the scope.  But that changed again when I got there.  OUr time was targeted for 10:30.  It turned out to be perfect as a couple very close to us paid us a visit that morning and would stay until the procedure was over.  We also got a phone call from my sons' youth minister and he prayed over the phone for my son.  WOW.  Then he would show up right before the procedure and pray over him one more time.  My mom and our friends and my sons' godmother were all in the room to see God's awesome work during this time.

The bottom of the 10th hour came and my son was wheeled down to surgery for his bronchoscopy.  It was definitely the longest, yet shortest hour of the entire stay - if that makes any sense.  Clearly our prayers at this point were, "God please let this go well and please let the doctors find what they need to find and please let our son recovery quickly."  Once your child goes into anesthesia, it is very nerve-wracking.  Knowing that he is out for the count and having never been under anesthesia, one never knows how things will turn out.  Thus it was the longest hour of the hospital stay for me.  But the time went by quickly since family and friends were near by in the waiting room to help pass the time by.  The doctor came out about quarter to twelve and showed us pictures of our sons' lungs.  He said that it went very well and that our son was recovering nicely.  God answered a big YES at this point.  The bronch confirmed suspicions of blood in our sons' lungs but still no conclusions at this point.

Once they had our son back in his room they began the process of ordering his blood transfusion.  I volunteered my blood since we were a match, but the doctors said that it would take longer to process mine and thus delay my son's recovery.  So I donated at the mobile unit outside - you know, to pay it forward.

When I got back, my son got some very special visitors.  His head football coach and one of the assistant coaches, his best friend and mother, the team mom from the football team and her son (who plays qb).  It definitely cheered my son up.  During their stay (his football coach stayed for an hour and a half) they got to see the blood transfusion start as well as an ultra sound on his heart.  those were the last tests before some conclusions were beginning to be made.  But the visitors were the highlight of the day.  It speaks volumes about the coaches that they would drive the 45 minutes from our area down to Atlanta and spend that time with one of their players.  It was music to Coach's ears when he heard my son would begin IV Steroid treatment on Tuesday and that would cause him to gain some weight over the next few weeks.  My son plays center and at 12 years old, he is 5' 4" and 118 lbs as of his hospital visit.  He needed to gain some weight.

We got some more news that day, the Rheumatologist ruled out any arthritis, lupus or vasculitis.  A big "YES" answer from God on our prayers. We were still awaiting the Wegener's test to come back, and that wouldn't be until Wednesday.  That night we were able to get my son some pizza as he requested and my wife stayed with him again that night.  The next day we would bring his brothers and sister down to see him - they were getting very concerned at home.

Hospital, Day 4: Tuesday, August 31st
My son started Tuesday with his first round of IV Steroids (to stop the bleeding in his lungs).  He said it made a weird taste in his mouth.  This particular day was uneventful other than the steroids.  I brought his brothers and sisters to see him and brought lunch.

It was great for the entire family to have a visit with our sick boy on Tuesday

Tuesday was to be my night to stay with him at the hospital, and I was looking forward to that.  I brought the game CLUE and we got him a few movies from the Library.  We also were transfered to the Cardiac step-down unit as my son was no longer under the care of the hematologist but of the chief physician at CHOA.

Hospital, Day 5: Wednesday, September 1st
Rough day with the IV Steroids - my son's IV popped out and he had some severe swelling and pain that morning.  Ugh! My heart broke for him, though!  He had to get ANOTHER IV in order to get Thursday's medicine, but at least he was IV free for about a day.

Wednesday was BIG PRAISE day!  God answered another prayer "YES" .  The Wegener's test was negative.  PRAISE GOD!  but that meant that Davis would likely be discharged undiagnosed (idiopathic).  So God (and even to this date) has  "NOT YET" given us an answer to his condition.

He also received another friend visitation on Wednesday evening.  Bless their hearts, though, they drove to the wrong CHOA campus and had to drive another 20 miles just to come see my son!


Hospital, Day 6: Thursday, September 2nd
Big Praise, our son is going home!!!  a big YES answer from our Lord and God!  While we did not yet have a final diagnosis, he was doing so much better after a third day of steroids and his transfusion.  He would be scheduled to have follow-ups but he no longer had to wear a hospital gown and IV.  He was going to go home and rest and recover.  PRAISE GOD!!

Our son on his miraculous exit

First, I want to thank GOD for answering many of our prayers "YES", some "NOT YET" and others "I've Got Something Better".  I give HIM all the credit for the miracle of the first week of September.  We thank everyone for ALL their prayers and support and LOVE.   Just like the Matt Maher song goes, 

It don't have a job
Don't pay your bills
Won't buy you a home
In Beverly Hills

Won't fix your life
In five easy steps
Ain't the law of the land
Or the government

But its all you need

Love will hold us together
Make us a shelter
to weather the storm

And I'll, be, my brothers keeper
So the whole world will know
That we're not alone

It's waiting for you
Knockin' at your door
In the  moment of truth
When your heart hits the floor

When you're on your knees and

Love will hold us together
Make us a shelter
to weather the storm

And I'll be my brothers keeper
So the whole world will know
That we're not alone

This is the first day of the rest of your life
This is the first day of the rest of your life
'Cause even in the dark you can still see the light
It's gonna be alright s'gonna be alright

This is the first day of the rest of your life
This is the first day of the rest of your life
'Cause even in the dark you can still see the light
It's gonna be alright s'gonna be alright

Love will hold us together
Make us a shelter
to weather the storm

And I'll be my brothers keeper
So the whole world will know
That we're not alone


Love definitely kept our family together and close to God.  Thank you to all of you!  Praise be to the King of Kings!  Jesus is the reason for our miracle!!

Gathered in His Presence

"Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them." -Matthew 18:19-20

I have been very blessed to be a part of several men's groups over the last three years.  Whether it was simply an accountability group or a full-fledged Bible Study, or a work-related men's group, all of them have been great blessings and enabled me to grow spiritually.  Recently, I started a group of men at work that are studying a book together on specific men's topics.  Seven of us are part of this group and we are all followers of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  In just our third meeting together, I have truly felt the presence of God (and therefore the presence of Jesus) in the room with us.  We even had one of our group members say that he needed to leave early for another meeting, but since the discussion got so good, when the time came to leave he stayed.  I asked, "Don't you have a meeting to get to?"  He responded, "Yeah, but this is too good to leave."

I think anytime we are in the presence of God, it is ALWAYS "too good to leave".  When we are there with Him, walking with Him, praying to Him, seeking a relationship with Him, or placing our sorrows and pains at His feet, He is right there to hold us, guide us, protect us and lead us.  I am so grateful for this group of men.  I cannot wait to see what God will do in our lives as a result of this discussion and book study.  It really got me meditating on the verse in Matthew where Jesus said that, "For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them." Matthew 18:20.
If we (the church) really are the Body of Christ, then clearly when we gather together in His name, He should be there.  It saddens me to think that so many times in my life, I've gathered with others, and not invoked the name of Jesus - either because I was lost, or was afraid of rejection or too busy or too lazy.  How much more could my life and the lives of others be enriched and closer to God if I had invited Christ to gather with us?

So next time you have a group together, invoke  the name of Jesus to guide your discussion and watch the great and remarkable things that He does through all of you!

Have a blessed weekend!

Very grateful today

Its May 23, 2010.   That means I'm into this journey three years now.  Melody Beattie sums it up best right here.  May you be extremely blessed today!

~ GRATITUDE ~

By Melody Beattie

Say Thank You until you mean it. Thank God for

Everyone and everything sent your way.

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns

what we have into enough, and more. It turns

denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion

to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house

into a home, a stranger into a friend. It turns problems

into gifts, failures into successes, the

unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into

important events. It can turn an existence into a

real life, and disconnected situations into important

and beneficial lessons. Gratitude makes sense of

our past, brings peace for today, and creates a

vision for tomorrow.

Gratitude makes things right.

Gratitude turns negative energy into positive

energy. There is a solution, it is gratitude. There

is no situation or circumstance so small or

large that it is not susceptible to gratitude’s

power. We can start with who we are and what we

have today, apply gratitude, then let it work its

magic!

Say Thank You, until you mean it. If you say it

long enough, you will believe it.

Prayer: God, help me to shine the transforming light of gratitude on

all circumstances of my life

What are you cheering for?

Yesterday, thanks to Mr. and Mrs. Davis and Ms. Kilpatrick, I was able to attend my very favorite sporting event, the Masters.  This great golf tournament is known for the "roars" among the towering pines.  Because the course routes back and forth on itself, and because it is an older course (original design and construction in 1934), one can move from hole to hole with relative ease.  There are no neighborhood developments or houses to worry about on Augusta National's property.  This means when one person birdies a hole or hits a shot worth cheering for, the sound echoes and reverberates throughout the golf course - thus, the "roars".   The closer and closer the tournament comes to its finale on Sunday afternoon, the louder and more enthusiastic the crowd and its cheers become. 



Phil Mickelson in the 2004 Masters.  It was his first Masters victory.


It is a very special place and even more special atmosphere.  If you are ever given the opportunity to go to this event, do so.  You will not regret it.  


Yesterday, I got a chance to watch some of the tournament from my favorite hole, the 16th.  From my vantage point, I saw Tiger Woods birdie the 15th hole, to which the crowd erupted with cheers.  Then, second round co-leader, Ian Poulter hit his tee shot to about 8 feet on the 16th and made his subsequent birdie putt.  We cheered loudly for that, too.  Many in the crowd threw their hands up, some applauded loudly, others whistled and others simply yelled loudly.  The patrons (as they are referred to at the Masters) are normally reserved at the Masters, but they certainly cheer for great accomplishments (see the photo of Phil Mickelson's winning birdie on the 18th hole in the final round 2004).  My point here, we cheer when we see a great event that evokes excitement and emotion.


We see similar, even more boisterous cheers in college football. 


 
Georgia Tech's Anthony Allen scores a touchdown against Clemson, Sep 17, 2009.  Far left: Derrick Moore (Georgia Tech Chaplain) cheers on Allen's touchdown run.  Photo courtesy of ajc.com


When we see our favorite athlete (I love watching golfers like Tiger, Phil, Anthony Kim, Davis Love III, Zach Johnson, Stewart Cink, etc) or our favorite team (mine is my alma mater Georgia Tech) do something great, we cheer very loudly, enthusiastically, sometimes to the point of being and looking ridiculous.  The other day (and here's where this all ties to my spiritual journey) I had a thought, "Why don't we cheer the same or similarly for those that repent and turn toward God?"  Jesus told us in the Parable of the Lost Sheep that the angels in heaven do so:

I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent. 

Luke 15:7 (NIV)

Some of you may think, "church is a solemn and holy place" or you may say "worshiping and giving praise to God is different than cheering in sports".  Those are good points.  However, my point here in this blog is that our hearts are more apt to celebrate the worldly things, sports and athletics, more than spiritual achievements.  I have been guilty of this most of my life.  Don't take this the wrong way, there is nothing wrong with celebrating sports and athletic accomplishments.  College football is a good thing, the Masters is a good thing, so long as we are putting God first in our lives.   Where I see the issue is when we see someone repent (especially those we love), get baptized, put their faith and trust in Jesus, why don't we cheer?  Why don't we boisterously clap?  Afterall, they are changed for eternity!  Forty years from now we won't remember who won the National Championship in 2008, or the 2010 Masters, but for eternity we will spend with our Savior and Lord if we place our trust in him!  We know that Jesus will win in the end, so why not celebrate those that we will spend eternity with?



My believer's baptism, September 20, 2009


Maybe I'm off base here, since I'm still relatively new (3 years) in my Christian journey, and maybe the angels celebrating is enough.  But this question was placed upon my heart about a week or so ago, and attending the Masters was a reminder of this.  Maybe cheering out loud is not appropriate in church, maybe it is.  But I believe it certainly deserves the at least the same emotional energy, if not more, than what we spend cheering our favorite athletes and teams.  


My question to you today is, "What are you cheering for?"

Are you keeping your faith a secret?

Later, Joseph of Arimathea asked Pilate for the body of Jesus. Now Joseph was a disciple of Jesus, but secretly because he feared the Jews. With Pilate's permission, he came and took the body away. -John 19:38 (NIV)

I know, I know, its been like a month since I last blogged.  Please forgive me for my absence.  Yesterday in our Sunday School class, we discussed John 20.  For some reason, my attention was drawn to the passage prior in John 19 (in my Bible it is directly above John 20 on the same page) and specifically verse 38.  You read the verse at the beginning of this entry.  The sentence I want to focus on today is the "Now Joseph was a disciple of Jesus, but secretly because he feared the Jews."  I think a lot of believers can relate to that sentence.  


Joseph of Arimathea is best known for providing the tomb for our Savior (granted it was only a temporary need - Praise God!!).  Because he was able to do this, we can safely conclude that he was a wealthy man at the time and perhaps a member of the Jewish Sanhedrin. Therefore, he had a lot to lose, in the worldly sense, if fellow Jews found out that he was a follower of Christ.  There are many in the Body of Christ today that are just like Joseph.  Despite the freedoms we have in the United States and other countries around the world, many of us find ourselves in F.E.A.R., or False Evidence Appearing Real, when it comes to sharing with others our beliefs.  Fear is not of God, but of the evil one.  Satan loves to leverage fear to keep the church from growing, and to keep Christians from sharing their experience, strength and hope they find through Christ with others.  


I have certainly suffered from my share of fear about sharing my faith.  I didn't have to fear my life as Joseph my have, but I did have fear about losing my livelihood since my testimony has many things that are so counter cultural to where I work. Again, that was False Evidence Appearing Real.  Once I placed my Faith (the opposite of fear) in God for the results and took a step of courage, I was able to share my story.  I was able to keep my secrets out in the light where they could not grow.  No one laughed at me.  No one mocked me.  No one ceased being my friend.  In fact, most of them were encouraged by my testimony.  And most importantly, I grew closer to God through Christ in the process.


Some of you reading this might be thinking, "Yeah, that's nice for you but still, I have this atheist boss at work...." or you may be thinking, "what will my friends think of me if I tell them I believe?". Have faith.  Remember, it takes a bit of courage.  Even if you still struggle with that there is good news for you.  God is still using you to accomplish His purpose.  Look at Joseph, because he kept his faith to himself, he was able to secure the body of our Savior from Pilate.  I'm not sure if one of the eleven would have been able to take Christ's body for burial.  So God used Joseph's secret faith for His Glory.  Of course, we come to discover that prophecy is fulfilled and the grave was defeated on the third day when Jesus was Resurrected!  Amen!


So if you are trusting in Christ secretly, know that God is still using you.  I encourage you TODAY to take a small baby step, like Joseph did, and do something in faith that will begin to tell others Who you work for and Why you have Hope and Peace.  You may be surprised as to how much God will do for you in what you cannot do for yourself.  God met Joseph right where he was at.  While the bible does not say, some writings from the era suggest that Joseph began preaching in Gaul with Phillip.  Joseph was not living his faith in secret then.  


On this, the day after we celebrate Christs' Resurrection, ask yourself, "How much am I letting my faith infect all areas of my life?"  and then ask yourself, "If my friends were asked if I were a Christ follower, what would they say?"  


God bless you abundantly today!

Gratitude...A powerful spiritual tool

Yesterday, I lost my cool on I-85 during my commute home.  I usually could care less about those who wish to engage in road rage.  I usually don't let traffic bother me.  I usually am talking to friends (on my hands free device) or talking to God, listening to Dave Ramsey or some good worship music or Andy Stanley message.  However, yesterday, I found myself not in fit spiritual condition.  I was about 1/2 way home when I was driving in the left lane (the lane closest to the HOV lane for you fellow Atlantans and Gwinnettians). 

 I was driving about 65 when a sports sedan got right on my tail and began to flash his lights at me as if to say, "You're driving way to slow, and whatever I am in a hurry to get to is way more important than you or I arriving safely".  I try to accommodate such people just to avoid getting frustrated and i'll move over a lane.  However, yesterday I could not.  There were several cars to the right of me and even slowing down drastically so I could let him by would have been a futile effort.  So I ignored his request and kept my distance from the car in front of me.  This did not make him happy.  He then proceeded to illegally move into the HOV lane and pass me as close to my car as physically possible.  If i had my window down, I could have touched his side view mirror.  He then moved back into my lane, coming ever so close to clipping my left front quarter panel.  I then did something I don't usually do.  




I honked.  


I was mad.  


He then told me in an all too common way that I was his "number 1" three consecutive times, which got under my skin.  But I didn't do anything towards his direction.  I just let his actions bother me.  Then I was mad at myself for letting him get under my skin.   There's no reason to treat anyone like that.  Was I wrong for honking my horn at him?  Perhaps.  He was probably just hoping I would react to his behavior so he could vent some of his anger at himself the the world at me.  When I honked at him, I enabled him to take his rage further.  So for that I am sorry.   


Its at this point that I could write about forgiveness and confession or acceptance or prayer for others.  But today I'm going to take the gratitude slant.   Later on that evening, I confessed my guilt to my wife about letting that guy get under my skin and honking at him.  That relieved my guilt.  Within 10 minutes of the incident, I was praying to God for forgiveness and that my heart would forgive him.  But what truly gave me peace about the situation was gratitude.


I'm grateful that I'm not carrying around what he is.


I'm grateful that I didn't get as angry as I once did and could have escalated the situation worse.


I'm grateful that I have a job, a paid for car, and the opportunity to connect with friends on my commute home.


Gratitude acknowledges that I am not the source of peace, of the good things in my life.  Gratitude acknowledges that God is the reason for all things in my life. 


Gratitude gets me out of self.  Gratitude helps me not to be self-centered and prideful (probably my biggest character defect) and helps keep me from the sinful nature.  Gratitude helps me think of others.  Gratitude helps me grow in my relationship with God.


How does one practice Gratitude?


I do this in five ways:

1. Get on your knees.  First thing in the morning.  Prayer is the best way to get your mind and spirit centered on our Creator.  It is the way I thank God for everything He has sent my way and for everyone he has put into my life.  The days my first thoughts are "thank you, God for this new day.  Thank you, God for saving me" are the days that I have peace.  
2. Talk to God throughout the day.  Tell him whats on your mind and remember he wants to hear from you.  Its about getting your heart in the right spot to be available to serve Him. Sometimes you do have to "fake it until you make it".  That has been my experience. 
3. Remember where everything comes from: See I can see Gas prices tick up 10 cents in one week and immediately get angry or fall into fear of financial insecurity, or I can react like this "Thank you God for providing me the resources to fill my car up with gasoline, with the job that I'm driving to today, with the car that I am able to drive and that is economical on gas (I drive a '97 Honda Civic)."  I can focus on what I don't have, or I can be grateful for the abundance I have from God.  
4. Remember I was a sinner and He saved me.  When things get really squirrelly in my head and I'm in selfish mode, if I can remember that "Oh yeah, remember that sin and death problem you have no power over, well God saved me from that through His Son, Jesus Christ".  Its really difficult to be upset about where I am at today when I can remember that the price for my sins has been paid in full.  When I can remember that I am here for God's purpose.  Gratitude for the gift of salvation makes every other "problem" in my life seem insignificant.  Here's the side benefit of remembering where my salvation came from - I'll want to share that with others.  There is nothing that helps me get out of my self better than sharing Christ with others.
5. Make a list.  When all else fails - make a gratitude list.  Write it down.  You will be surprised at what this will do in your life.

So back to my I-85 Story.  I'm grateful that God got my attention that I was not in fit spiritual condition, without me creating any wreckage (literally, spiritually and relationally).  I was able to confess to my wife and thank God for speaking to me.  Then, get this, I was able to pray for the guy on the highway....and honestly hope that he feels better about himself and the world that that if he doesn't know God, that one day he may.

I want to close today with a quote that is printed up and hanging in my office.  It is by Melody Beattie.  I first read this in my Recovery Devotional Bible.  It is so beautiful.  I pray you can experience a gratitude attack today.  Be blessed!

Say thank you, until we mean it. Thank God, life and the Universe for everyone and everything sent your way. 

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.  It turns what we have into enough, and more.  It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion to clarity.  It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.  It turns problems into gifts, failures into successes, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events.  It can turn an existence into a real life, and disconnected situations into important and beneficial lessons.  Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.

Gratitude makes things right.

Gratitude turns negative energy into positive energy.  There is no situation or circumstance so small or large that it is not susceptible to gratitude’s power.  We can start with who we are and what we have today, apply gratitude, then let it works its magic.

Say thank you, until you mean it.  If you say it long enough, you will believe it.

-Melody Beattie

Come to me all who are weary

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  Matthew 11:28-30 NIV

 This passage from the Gospel of Matthew gives me great comfort this week.  Last week, I was part of another amazing company-wide meeting where we met in Washington, DC.  All of our company goes to this meeting and for five days we discuss the state of the business, the future of the business and have some fun.  Its more like a big family reunion than a typical "boring" company meeting.  We even have an optional worship service on Sunday evening.  Its a lot of work, though.   Most days are 12-14 hours long.  We all come home exhausted (in a good way).  Despite the hard work, it was truly a great week.  


After our five-day meeting, I returned to my home Wednesday night, just in time for church activities with the kids.  On Thursday, I planned on doing some work at home, but it never happened.  I found myself taking about a 30 minute nap Thursday afternoon - I clearly needed some rest.  Friday, my wife and I left for a wonderful marriage retreat.  We returned Saturday and had a busy Sunday ahead.  Sunday School saw a challenging message on fasting delivered by our teacher and then our series on marriage in our church concluded.  My heart, soul and brain were full....but it wasn't over yet...


Yesterday, though, was the epitome of how my last 10 days have gone.  I got up early, as usual, attended a meeting, drove to work, had a busy morning, ran 6 miles at lunch, more work, left the office at 3:30 to head out into the field to address an issue, left from there, had phone calls the entire drive home, as soon as i got home, I made pizza for the family, left dinner early to get to visitation, drove 35 minutes to and 35 minutes from the house we visited, came home, did the dishes, walked the dog and and *whew* the day was done!


Everything I listed above was good stuff - some of it even Godly stuff, but boy did I need some rest....


...Mentally, physically and emotionally.  


Fortunately, Jesus offers us a solution.  In a fallen world, we can take days or weeks like I just had and keep on going.  We can run run run run until we can't run anymore and wonder why we are not fulfilled, why life still seems unmanageable.  I've done that so many times prior to coming to Christ and even a few times since coming to Christ.  


I decided this morning to take refuge in Christ.  After my quiet time, I attended my Tuesday Morning Men's meeting and we discussed how to be better servants.  We are studying a book that talks about the Mind and Heart of Christ for the Lenten season.  It was just the recharge I needed.  See I can either take my last 10 days, be self-centered and say "woe is me, look at all I had to do, or did do".  Or, I can be grateful for all of these opportunities, acknowledge that it was a lot and that I am a little tired and therefore take refuge in Christ.  Today,  I'm allowing my body, mind and spirit to renew by praying frequently, listening to some good music and working at a moderate pace. 

Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'"  - Matthew 4:4 NIV

I have found (mostly the hard way) that if I stay God-centered, my days go so much better.  Its okay to take rest and refuge when our bodies, spirits and minds need it.  If you are feeling tired, beat down, exhausted, stop.  Take refuge in Christ.  Open your bible and read.  Get on your knees and pray.  Turn on your favorite worship song and listen.  Or simply lay down, close your eyes and allow God to renew your soul.   

Raised to walk in newness of life...

"Buried with Christ in Baptism. 

 Raised to walk in newness of life."

This is what our pastors at our church say while they baptize a fellow brother or sister in Christ  through Believer's Baptism.  I was blessed to experience Believer's baptism on September 20, 2009 when my wife's cousin baptized myself, my wife and two oldest sons.  I was convicted during a bible study over the summer of the book of Acts.  Chapter 19 describes the acts Paul and his disciples performed while visiting Ephesus (one of my favorite letters of Paul is his epistle to the Ephesians).

  Acts 19:1-7 (New International Version)

¹While Apollos was at Corinth, Paul took the road through the interior and arrived at Ephesus. There he found some disciples ²and asked them, "Did you receive the Holy Spirit when you believed?"
      They answered, "No, we have not even heard that there is a Holy Spirit." ³So Paul asked, "Then what baptism did you receive?"
      "John's baptism," they replied.
 ⁴Paul said, "John's baptism was a baptism of repentance. He told the people to believe in the one coming after him, that is, in Jesus." ⁵On hearing this, they were baptized into the name of the Lord Jesus. ⁶When Paul placed his hands on them, the Holy Spirit came on them, and they spoke in tongues and prophesied. ⁷There were about twelve men in all.

 This passage and the subsequent discussion following it convicted me.  I had experienced infant Baptism growing up Catholic.  However, I had not yet professed my faith in Christ publicly through Believer's Baptism.  What has made me relive this experience in my life today, was that I just witnessed the daughter of one our friends profess her faith publicly through Believer's Baptism at our church.  I sit right now typing this blog to you from a hotel room in Washington DC preparing for a business meeting.  I got to witness this online - I love technology!  Seven words the pastor said made me reflect on my own faith journey.


"Raised to walk in newness of life"


Sometimes we don't see our own progress or the work God has done in our lives when we look at things with a short term perspective.  When I step back and reflect, I can remember where I was, living in sin, living for myself only, for my gain only - I had built an altar to "Karl" (i.e. myself).  Then I think about that day 2/3 of my family was Baptized in Christ.  When I was raised up from that water, soaking wet - it represented not only my internal decision to invite Jesus as the Lord of my life, but it also was true that I had a new life.  When I turned my life over to Christ, everything changed immediately, but it wasn't always evident.  I was no longer going to  run my own life by choice, but some of my behavior had not yet changed.  By the time I was obedient to God and professed my faith in Believer's Baptism, it was very clear how much God has changed me.  


See, when we trust in Christ, God sends the Holy Spirit down - just like the Bible says.  While we may not literally speak in tongues like they did in the days of Paul, we may sound like we're speaking in tongues to those who knew the "old us".  We appear to be doing miraculous works by repenting of our old ways and sins and trusting in God to lead us through his son, our Savior Jesus Christ.  I don't ever want to go back to the old self, to relive those old days, but I am so grateful I experienced all those things.  I wouldn't be where I am today without it.


Before Christ, I was consumed by guilt, fear, lust, greed and alcohol.  I was self-centered and my life was unmanageable.  


Since May 23, 2007, I've been sober.  I have peace, happiness, joy and a relationship with Him. I truly want what I have in life.


If God can do that in me...imagine what He can do for you?   You just have to do one thing...trust in His son, Jesus and ask him to be your Lord and Savior.

Trudging the road

"It isn't about never making mistakes, it's about getting back up and moving forward toward the results."  -Jack Welch, former CEO of General Electric

 This morning, my devotional reading was Romans 3:21-31.   In that passage is the well-known verse "For all have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God" - Romans 3:23.  As always, when I turn to God first thing in the morning, I get what I need to hear - many times not what I want to hear, but ALWAYS exactly what I need.   I have been struggling with some internal thoughts pertaining to my selfishness, self-centeredness and character defects.  The Bible says these self-centered (and thereby not God centered) thoughts and desires eventually will lead me to sin: 

"When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death."  James 1:13-15

 My experience has been that this can take place anywhere and anytime: in the workplace, home and even at church.  This passage reminds me that I need to stay God-centered not self-centered.  When I read that and remember what Paul wrote in his epistle to the Romans, I am comforted - and do not feel isolated - in that ALL Christians go through struggles with sin and desire, just like I do.  The good news is that God has given us all a way out.  When I'm lost and need directions or I am stranded travelling in a foreign place, I ask for help.  Spiritually, I need to do the same thing.  I need to turn to Him, ask for help.  Jesus said he would send the "Helper" or the Holy Spirit to be with us before he ascended into heaven.  If I can call on God, he WILL help me. But it will be in His time.  So until God removes my character defects - which may never happen, Paul had his "thorn" all his life - I need to follow Jack Welch's advice of when I fall I get back up, dust myself off and continue to keep my eye on the prize - spending eternity with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  I also have to remind myself that just because I'm saved and have received the gift of Salvation does not mean I've been completely sanctified of my old thoughts.  Sanctification is a process that takes time.

Today, I take refuge in Christ, in His death and resurrection.  Today, I ask the Holy Spirit to help me and guide me to be a shining light for God's Kingdom.  Today, I ask God to help me love Him with all my heart and to love my neighbors as myself.  Today, I am going to do the best I can with what I have, and hopefully, God will use me to help someone else.  

If you're struggling today, stop right now and pray, "Lord Jesus, I love you.  I want to be one of your followers, but I'm struggling.  You know what struggles I'm going through, as you experienced the same struggles yourself when you walked amongst men.  Relieve me of my selfishness and desires.  Please give me wisdom and strength to carry out your will.  Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins.  Change my heart and guide my steps.  I make my prayer in Jesus' name, Amen."

Have a blessed day!

Turning towards Him

Everyday in my walk, I try to spend my first few minutes with God.  A very effective way to do this, I have found, is to have a daily devotional reading to guide me.  Today's reading went as such:

Isaiah 30:19-21 (New International Version)

 ¹⁹ O people of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you. ²⁰ Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. ²¹ Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."

I can completely relate to this passage.  What brought me ultimately to follow Christ - addiction and that my life was completely unmanageable - forced me to "cry for help" as it says in verse 19.  What the prophet Isaiah says God will do was true for me, "As soon as he hears, he will answer you".  When I said to God, "Okay God, I obviously cannot run my own life, you take it, its all yours", I let go of my white-knuckled grip on life.  I discovered that I was not driving anything in life, but that God was driving the entire time.  I like to use the analogy that I was in the back seat of the car, as a toddler would be, pretending I was driving the car with my "honk honk" seat.  I had that tight grip trying to steer life in the direction I wanted it to go. (notice all the I's) In reality, God was driving the entire time, looking in the rear-view mirror and probably chuckled, "He just doesn't get it yet".  During my time of trying to run, and there by slowly ruin, my life - God was always there, loving me and patiently waiting for me to call on Him.  Once I did, He was there and He still is there.  Whether I turn to "the right or to the left", God is always there for me. 


Somedays I still try to drive the car from the "honk honk" seat, but those days don't work out so well.  When I turn to Him, and listen to the "way" and "walk in it", my days go so much better.  So my mantra today is to walk with Him "one day at a time".  


If you are struggling and feel like nothing you do is working, or feel as though every turn you make leads to a dead end, turn to God.  He is there and has been there for you always.  Just like I felt when I was running the show, you may not feel that way. That may be because He asks us to do our part.  He gave us free will, so we need to make that decision to cry out to Him.  Once we do, God will come running towards us and give us peace, comfort and strength for Today.   And remember when you wake up tomorrow, make that decision again to seek Him and His will.  I have to do that on a daily basis so that I can "walk in" fellowship with Him.  

God bless you and keep you.  May you turn to Him in all areas of your life.

Having faith

Yesterday, I met with two colleagues at work.  About two dozen of us in my department are currently studying About My Father's Business by Regi Campbell.  This book talks about how to effectively share your faith in the workplace or in work-like settings.  The first meeting of our group was last Thursday. During this discussion I was convicted of the sin of spiritual pride.  See, I have a story to tell about what trusting in Christ has done for me.  However, I have not told my story to many people, especially to those at my work.  Yet I work for a place that is very supportive in this type of endeavor and still had fear (False Evidence Appearing Real).  I mean, what would they think about me?  I also was fearful that because of where I came from (until I came to Christ, my lifestyle was very counter-culture to where I work) I could lose my job...how silly of me....God wants us to celebrate and glorify Him.  When we hold onto our stories for ourselves, we are being selfish and prideful, not to mention we aren't putting our complete faith in what He can do.


I found this cartoon in a google search:

This fit perfectly to where I was.  You can find this and others at http://www.jesuseveryday.com/cartoons.htm

Back to my story though, In faith, I approached two people in my group and we got together and I shared my testimony of how I came to believe and therefore, trust in, my Savior Jesus Christ.  Not only did my colleagues not run off, nor did they laugh at me, nor did they breathe fire out and burn me up right there, but also they embraced me, celebrated what God has done! Now I have two great friends, that are not just colleagues, but brothers and sisters in Christ.  How cool is that?!  


I encourage you today to share your story with someone.  When you feel the Holy Spirit move you to share, be obedient.  You'll be surprised what God does when you stop trying to make the outcome the way you want it, and start to trust Him for the results. My prayer is that we as Believers can move beyond the "You of little faith" nickname and become more faithful and obedient to what God calls us to do.  Remember, God will always do for us what we cannot do for ourselves.  Sometimes we cannot see the outcome or understand how it could even work out well.  Despite that we need to step forward in faith and courage, remembering that Fear is of the evil one and God told us "Do not fear" 365 times in the Bible.  


God bless all of you today!

...So my journey begins

It took me a while to come up with a title to this blog. So when the words to the hymn "Blessed Assurance" wouldn't escape my head, I took the hint. I learned today that the hymn is based upon the scripture Hebrews 10:22, which says:

"let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water."

The first phrase of that passage is exactly what this blog is to be about - to help me and others "draw near to God" and to do so "with a sincere heart". Three years ago, where this story began, I did not have the assurance of anything, but today I do have "full assurance in faith" in CHRIST. Today I have peace, joy and happiness. I pray that you have the same, and if you do not, that this blog may help you "draw near to God" and know Him through His Son, Jesus Christ.