My Story

Hello, my name is Karl, since September of 2007,  I’ve been a grateful believer in Jesus Christ and through a growing relationship with Jesus, I have found victory over Alcohol and great strides in victory over lust but I still struggle from time to time with lust, and I still struggle greatly with selfishness, pride and stinkin’ thinkin’.  That’s the introduction you’re probably used to hearing from me, but if I am going to be completely honest with you I should also say I struggle with over-spending, over-eating, codependency, greed and fear.  In fact it was just tonight that I picked up a blue chip to surrender those last few things to God.  Many of you may remember that I picked up a 6 month chip, marking my active time in CR (my step group started in July), a few weeks ago, but recovery is not a new concept to me.

             “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not turn from it.” –Proverbs 22:6

                My story begins some 37 years ago, when I was born to a friendly, hard-working Catholic couple in New York.  My mom was a cradle Catholic, while my dad grew up in a broken home with his alcoholic father, estranged from his mom and three younger brothers.  My dad joined the Catholic Church shortly after my sister was born in 1980.  I also have a younger brother who is almost 5 years younger than I.  Our family of 5 grew up here in Gwinnett, in the Lawrenceville area, going to the Catholic Church every Sunday.  When I say every Sunday, I mean every Sunday.  You remember the blizzard of ’93 that hit here in March?  1” of ice and 6” of snow?  Well, my family was 5 of about two dozen people that attended mass that Sunday after the Saturday blizzard hit.  We crammed into the back of our Celica (then my dad’s car, but would be mine in high school) so as not to risk wrecking my mom’s 2 month old car.  We slid down Gwinnett drive and into St. Lawrence to faithfully attend mass that day.  If we went on vacation, we went to mass.  If we were sick, unless we were feverish, we went to mass.  We never missed.  Did I say that we always went to mass? 

                In addition to being faithful church attenders, my siblings and I were modeled to pray before every meal, to give to the church and were raised in Catholic education.  This gave me the foundation of my belief system that I would take into my later years.  My mom’s parents were 2^nd generation Americans (immigrating from Ukraine/Poland) and were faithful to the Catholic faith.  Her dad was the patriarch of the family.  Dan Murray and his wife Catherine went to be with the Lord in 2012 and 2013 respectively.  (I know they died knowing Jesus saved them.) They passed their faith down to their kids, who passed it down to my sister, brother and I.  So from about second grade on, I knew who God was – in my mind – and I knew who Jesus was – in my mind.  I would have told you from about that age on that I was a Christian.  However, God always felt distant to me.

                If you took a snapshot of my life about this time, say the 3^rd – 6^th grade, you’d have thought I had it made.  I was always the math whiz in my class.  I was labeled the “the Brain” and “the Nerd” in school.  Back then, it wasn’t cool like it is with the millennials, to be a nerd though.  For some reason, I always felt less than my peers.  I despised being made fun of, and struggled with how to cope with failure and rejection.  I began to tell my mom and others close to me that “I hate myself.”  But I really didn’t hate myself then, I just didn’t like the way I felt.  That hole in my heart – that Jesus shaped hole – started to reveal itself at this point in my life.  I was just very unaware that I had that hole.

By the time 7^th grade rolled around, and puberty set it, I saw the world a bit differently.  And for the first time in my life, I started testing the rules that had been put in place to protect me and lead me in the life that God wanted for me.  The internet wasn’t widely available back in 1991, but I did get exposed to pornography for the first time when a friend slipped a magazine into my backpack.  It was the first time in my life I felt real shame.  The shame in my life before was a result of a failure: making a “B” on a test, striking out in baseball, being called a nerd or fat, getting rejected by the girl I had a crush on.  This shame was because I chose to deviate from God’s plan. I know I was a sinner since an early age, but it wasn’t until this point, that my sin felt REAL.  Because I was so ashamed, I began to keep this little secret to just me, myself and I.   And with that, my sickness began.

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God –Romans 3:23 

I was excited when I began High School in the fall of 1992.  It was a fresh start.  I lost about 25 lbs.  I discovered a great skill I had in the game of golf.  I made some great friends, and finally the “nerd” stigma had been dropped.  My parents and I were getting along very well – especially my dad and me – we’d hang out to play golf, or watch football.  Life was good.  Except for that dirty little secret I kept deep down inside of me.  I didn’t realize that I was using lust to change the way I felt, but that was what was going on.  I was seeking to fill that “Jesus-shaped hole” with golf, girls and sports.  Outwardly, things were good, but inwardly, I didn’t like what I saw – I was dying.

During my 10^th grade year, my life would change forever.  I met a beautiful girl with big brown eyes, wavy brown hair in Driver’s Ed class.  After passing notes right in front of our instructor, the late Mayor of Lawrenceville, Bartow Jenkins, she finally got the nerve to ask me out to a group date at Tanner’s.  October 29, 1993 was the first time Chandler and I spent intentional time outside of school together, and when she held my hand, I was done.  This began an up and down relationship that was not atypical of any other high school sweetheart relationship.  We made it to two proms together (another story for another day) and yet never made it to homecoming together (another story for another day). 

We graduated together, with her headed to Georgia and I matriculated to the North Avenue Trade School (Georgia Tech).  When I graduated high school, I was in the top 5 in my class of over 300, and was a scholarship winner at Georgia Tech.  I was voted most likely to succeed, had been working at K-Mart for 2 years, was a 1 handicap in golf and again, on the outside, I looked like a success.  But since the 7^th grade, I felt father and farther away from God.  Even though I was at church every Sunday, I didn’t believe God cared about me, after all I created my own problems.  That hole was getting bigger and more prominent.

I forgot to mention that in High School, I never drank, did drugs or anything to alter my mind from a chemical perspective.  I got to college, and the first time I had an opportunity to drink, I did.  I recall back when I was 16, when my family was in England, my dad and I were enjoying a meal together, and I recall him saying, “I wish you could have a beer with me now”.  His intentions were positive, but it planted a seed in me about alcohol.  I grew up around social drinking at church functions and family functions.  Rarely did it get grossly out of hand, so I didn’t have a negative perception of alcohol, but rather a glorified perspective that Anheiser-Busch probably tries to portray in all their ads.  I will always remember my first drink.  I was a Budweiser and it wasn’t very good.  Not long after that, I had my first drunk and that felt amazing.  A night of drinking enough to get me drunk and FINALLY, that hole inside of me felt full.  I didn’t dislike myself as much.  I didn’t hate the way I felt anymore.  Thus in the fall of 1996, began my nearly 11 year relationship to Alcohol. 

That first quarter at Tech, I partied more than I should have.  My grades stunk and I was facing losing my scholarships the next quarter if it didn’t improve.  Well, they didn’t.  And when Spring Break of 1997 began, not only did my scholarship money go away, but Chandler called me to inform me that she was going to be a mom and that I had something to do with it.  It wasn’t fun going home to my parents that spring break to inform them that my scholarships were gone until I got my grades back and that they were going to be grandparents.  You’d have thought I would have gotten this first wake-up call from God.

I drank heavily the next 5 months almost denying the fact I was going to be a father.  It wasn’t until my mom, dad, brother and I went to our last family vacation together before my life would change forever.  I remember sitting outside on the grass at the property we were at in Samoset, Maine and after talking to my brother and sister into the wee hours of the night, it clicked.  I was excited to become a dad.  I came back to Georgia and renewed my commitment to Chandler and Davis who would be born in October 23, 1997. 

I was not attending church at all from when I enrolled at Georgia Tech until this point, but the pending arrival of Davis forced me to rethink my life’s course, and I changed majors from Bio Chemical engineering to Industrial Engineering.  I got my grades back up and my scholarships back and became a co-op student with my first “jobby job” as my dad calls it, at Delta Airlines in January of 1998.  Chandler and I worked alternating terms and synchronized our schedules in the spring and summer of 1998 to avoid day care for Davis.  I asked Chandler to marry me on March 23, 1998 and we tied the knot in front of God and about 200 family and friends at St. Lawrence Catholic Church on December 19, 1998 – the same day Bill Clinton was impeached.  My drinking had really taken a back seat to getting serious and growing up in life.  I thought about God some during the pre-marital stuff, but still never got serious about Him. 

Chandler and I were blessed to have generous support from our family, and my dad put a down payment on a small ranch house off new hope road in Lawrenceville.  As it turns out, room and board at tech was more expensive than a small mortgage note.  I struggled to make ends meet financially during this time, but God provided for us.  I made some mistakes with credit cards, but shortly after graduation, I was able to rectify a lot of the debt I accrued in college.  I graduated in 2000, Chandler in 2001, both with honors.  I started my career at Chick-fil-A in i.T. with Chandler working at a foster home for medically fragile children.  During those last two years of college, and first 18 months of marriage, my drinking really was quite casual and much like a “gentlemen”, but when I graduated, I drank every day for over a month to “celebrate” and let my hair down, until I started my new job at Chick-fil-A in June of 2000.

I moved up quickly at work in the first three years, receiving two promotions.  I would drink with friends, and a few nights a week to take the edge off, but I still struggled with that nagging lust issue.  It was still very much a secret from everyone.  Jackson was born in April of 2001, and then we adopted our daughter Tori in August of 2002, 3 days prior to her 1^st birthday.  Carter came in May of 2004, so before my 4^th anniversary at work came around, we had 4 kids, 2 jobs and life was very busy.  It was during this busy season in 2001 when my drinking started to escalate. 

For the wages of Sin is Death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our LORD. –Romans 6:23

I would begin by sneaking out of the house to “run errands”.  While I always got the errands done, it would take 2 hours to run to Walmart, I would return home drunk, and usually after Chandler fell asleep.  This pattern would go on for nearly 6 years before Chandler realized what was happening.  See my priorities when I started my career were (1) Work, (2) Kids, (3) Chandler, and (4) maybe God – and that was only because of who I was working for.  Slowly Alcohol weaved its way up my priorities and became number 1 in my life.  Chandler began to wonder if I was having an affair.  The answer was yes, it was just with a case of beer, not a lady.  The Irony was I was drinking to “cope”.  Cope with my stressful life of taking four kids with me to our onsite daycare at Chick-fil-A.  Cope with a demanding career where my promotions were slowing down.  Cope with the fact I wanted to be an Operator of one of our restaurants and the process was going very slow. Cope with the fact I was managing money poorly, not to mention that my money problem was worsening itself because of my drinking.  I had to pay for all that booze somehow.

Here’s the insanity of it all, towards the end of my drinking, I would walk into the gas station, where I traditionally would pick up a 12 pack to get started, and ask God, “Please help this to be my last drunk.”  But never would I change, it would just be a plea.  I would pray for a big raise to help with the money and debt.  I would pray for a “Bag of money” to show up.  Again, I thought I was a believer during this time, but there was no relationship, no Lord of my life, no fruit to bear.  Either I wanted God to fix it all, or I wanted God to end it all.  I didn’t think the problem was me.  I knew there was a problem, just didn’t know how to go about fixing it.  My secrets were getting darker, my lies were getting tougher to cover up.  The money was running shorter and shorter each month.  My consequences were starting to catch up to me.

January of 2007 was the beginning of the end for my drinking.  A check bounced (one I wrote to my own wife), and then it call came out.  The lying, the deceit, the drinking.  Chandler found out about it all.  I was also in the process of trying to land my own Chick-fil-A restaurant.  I promised to never drink again.  I promised to make it all right financially.  I promised, I promised and I promised.

And I meant it.

Three weeks later, I was drinking again.  Insanity. 

Principle 1 in Celebrate Recovery says, “Realize I’m not God. I admit that I’m powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and that my life is unmanageable.”

                From February to May, I would begin the longest, darkest period of my drinking “career”.  I lied more than I ever did.  I drank more than I ever did.  I promised not to drink more than I ever did.  I didn’t know anything about AA at the time, or principle 1, but I started to realize what powerless meant.  I wanted to stop all of my destructive behavior but I couldn’t.  Then it happened.  Chandler hit her bottom in January.  I hit mine on May 22, 2007.  I found myself in the back of a police car, being arrested for a DUI.  My life was over.  I couldn’t even call my wife from that holding cell in Gwinnett County Jail.  I had to call my parents to call them.  I was so ashamed and so broken.

                My Dad bailed me out early the next morning and I spent the day recovering at my mom’s house.  The only AA meeting she knew about was over at Summit Ridge, and they didn’t have a Wednesday evening meeting, so I promised to go to the meeting the next evening on May 24^th.  That day, though I talked to my wife on the phone and she said one thing I’ll never forget. “If you ever drink again, you’re not welcome to live here.”  I finally took this one seriously.  I got online that night, searching for “AA” and found their Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.  I read some excerpt of the book and found this sentence in the section “The Doctor’s Opinion”

             “They cannot start drinking without developing the phenomon of craving.”

                This explained to me why when I start drinking, I cannot stop.  I was finally willing to get help.  So for the next three months, I went to 90+ meetings in 90 days.  I even went AA meetings in Las Vegas when I was there for a work convention.  I got a sponsor in August and started working the steps.  During that summer, there were some believers in the AA group I was in who invited me to a small men’s recovery Bible study.  Thinking that I could teach them a thing or two out of the Bible (after all I did work at Chick-fil-A, which is practically church), I said “yes”.  That was August 2007.

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. – Ephesians 2:8-9

Very quickly after reading scripture, I realized that I had the belief in my head about God, in my head about Jesus, but that belief had not made it into my heart.  Jesus felt very distant, and I had not made him Lord of my life.  So as part of my third step of AA “We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.”, I got on my knees on a Tuesday Night in September 2007, with my wife in the room, and placed my faith in the fact that He paid the price I deserved for my sin and surrendered my whole life and mind to Jesus Christ. 

If you confess with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord’, and believe in your heart God raised Him from The dead, you will be saved.  Romans 10:13

                 I immediately became willing to do whatever it took to be healthy.  I was willing to take advice from anyone who had it.  After all, my best thinking got me in this mess.  I needed help to get out. 

Without counsel plans fail,
but with many advisers they succeed. –Proverbs 15:22

I figured if I just turned my life over to Christ, and I surrendered my alcoholism to God, why not surrender everything else to Him as well?  I met with our onsite trainers and nutritionists and told them to tell me what to eat, when to eat, how to work out, etc.  18 months later, I was 60 lbs. down   Chandler and I attended a Dave Ramsey Seminar and began wildling away at our debt.  We started attending Hebron on Christmas Eve 2007 and felt at home.  We began Tithing for the first time.  Even though we had $70K in personal debt, we still were faithful in our tithing and God honored that with a promotion and raise in 2008.  I turned my marriage and kids over to Him and by the end of 2008, my family celebrated Chandler’s and my 10^th wedding anniversary and went on a family beach trip that summer.  I became the leader of that Men’s Recovery Bible Study for four years and saw men grow in their walk with Jesus.  In 2009, I began to share my story and in 2010 began to utilize the gift of teaching the Holy Spirit gave me upon regeneration.  My boys and I even took the Gospel to Romania in 2012, 2013 and 2014 where we saw over 450 come to know Jesus over the course of those three trips. 

             If anyone is in Christ, He is a new Creation, the old has gone, the new has come! -2 Corinthians 5:17

I had worked the steps of AA and was carrying the message to others.  I was Hopeless, and now I had hope.  I was a wreck on the inside, and for the first time, I loved who God made me to be.  I read the entire Bible, more than once.  I loved my quiet time.  I loved Jesus, he was my best friend.  I was His and He was mine.  If you’re new to this, you can have this, too.  Just keep coming back and seeking Him.

                By 2010, we had paid down a lot of our debt, but we weren’t debt free by any means.  My upward mobility at work had slowed up significantly in those years, but I was grateful Chick-Fil-A allowed me to stay on despite my DUI and alcoholism.  I actually led a book study with 7 guys at Chick-fil-A in the summer of 2010 about the battle all men deal with lust called Every Man’s Battle. I wish I could tell you everything was rosy from that point on, but it was at the end of that book study where things took a turn, and I slowly got away from what was working.

                Life happened.

                It was in the fall of 2010 when our oldest son started having his health problems with an autoimmune disorder called vasculitis.  We also have a special needs daughter who struggles with mental illness on top of this.  On top of everything else our family does to serve and be involved and enjoy God, this was not what we asked for.  At first, I handled things well, even got praises from my AA friends and church friends about how I handled it.  But slowly I started internalizing things.  Medical bills began piling up, and I couldn’t bear to tell Chandler that things were really tight again.  I couldn’t tell her that I made a mistake on our budget, so I started to slip back into old patterns. 

Over the next four years, we would ebb and flow financially.  Pay stuff off, get more bills, pay stuff off, get more bills.  God showed his faithfulness sometimes we would get a random check from people who loved us to help out.  I struggled so much, beating myself up needlessly for this.  I felt I couldn’t provide my family’s way to freedom.  I questioned whether I was a true Christian internally since I wasn’t “out of debt” yet like some other Christians I knew at work.   Even though most of the time I was doing the best I could, this pattern would ultimately lead to my “second bottom”.   I also lost my AA Sponsor to a relapse and his ultimate calling into ministry.  My Men’s group slowly dissolved over the next two years.  Work progress slowed to a crawl and I began questioning myself.  On the outside, I looked great, but on the inside, things were beginning to unravel again. 

Being a member of Hebron, I tried CR a few times, but I always walked away disappointed because “it wasn’t AA”.  Even my wife kept encouraging me to get engaged with CR.  “Its’ Recovery and Jesus, what’s not to love” she said.  I should have listened to her.

In 2013, I switched jobs because God threw a golden opportunity my way to go start up a Business Intelligence Group at Arby’s.  My brother worked at the same building and it was a much closer commute (by mileage).  It was a big challenge, and change for us, but financially, was a big blessing and would put my career on an entirely new track.   As I was preparing to go to Romania for the third time, and fasting for DNow and Romania, God continued to speak to me about responding to His call on my life to go into ministry.  Our family was already serving multiple days a week at Truths Place, as Wednesday Night MS leaders, as Connect Group leaders and in other ways, but the LORD made it clear that we needed to come forward in obedience to make it public we were being called into ministry.  Chandler and I responded on March 30, 2014. 

It was on that day that we apparently really got the attention of our enemy.  Over the next Four months, we would face: More health challenges with my son, more bills without our savings built up yet, and then in a three week span we had: our A/C go out, my car was stolen and our upstairs toilet flooded our kitchen and basement causing $11,000 of damage.  Any one of those problems would cause big stress in a family’s life, but we had everything at once.  It was also during this time, I turned more and more to my own strength. 

I started attending CR on a regular basis after a key conversation with Derek Spain about my call ton ministry and Duke explaining to me CR isn’t supposed to be “AA”.  I came regularly starting in May.  But I wasn’t really working the CR program until our Step group started in July.  It was in August that I knew and finally saw that the unmanageability had crept back in.  I was facing a big remodel at my home (which we did due to some insurance and contractor issues), overcommitted to too many ministries, a lack of sleep, making poor money decisions, and just general discontentment in my life.   After all that was going on, I finally broke.  I just wanted to die.  I have a very nice insurance policy and Arby’s also has a good policy they pay for on me.  I told my wife that she and the kids would be better off if I were just dead.  I didn’t want to end my life, but prayed that God would take it.  I was tempted to let my car drift into a semi on 316.  I just didn’t like how I felt, and the unmanageability in my life.  There was one issue I never dealt with back in my AA recovery days. 

We had some very dear friends step up and help us in incredible ways during this tough summer and fall.  Two of them are present here today and they know who they are.  Thank you very much!  Without your support, love and help, I’m not sure where I’d be today.

In October, my wife and I talked through everything.  The new financial mess I and the circumstances had created.  The doubts, spiritual attacks, over commitments, everything.  I worked through a lot of this in my step group, but it wasn’t until I got away on a retreat through work that I was able to identify the root of a lot of this.  We went through a very 4^th-step like exercise at this retreat identifying areas of our lives where we had immunity to change.  I discovered that an issue that was holding me back in ministry, at work and in life was “I assume that if I don’t provide all my family’s wants and needs that they won’t love me.” I knew that was incorrect.  I knew it was of the enemy, but I hadn’t dealt with it.  This issue was real in my life.  When I got back, I shared it with my wife and she said, “That’s so stupid.”   I replied, “I know, but its real and I need your help to overcome it.” 

Since that day in November, I’ve worked through this issue one day at a time.  I finally see myself more as an Inspired Leader who Inspires others.  I have learned more about Grace than I have in the previous 7 years of Sobriety and following Christ.  Thanks to Truth’s Place, I learned about a great song called “Greater” by MercyMe.  You may recall all throughout my story how I beat myself up over my failures.  The song Greater is a lot like Romans 8:1 “For Therefore there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.”    The bridge of the song goes like this:

There’ll be Days I lose the Battle

Grace says that it doesn’t matter

‘Cause the cross already won the war.

If we have truly placed our faith in Jesus and surrendered our lives to Him, then the cross has already won the war for us.  We will lose some battles some days, but we should celebrate all the times when we rest in His Grace and trust Him to provide the victory.  His Grace is sufficient.  This is about spiritual progress – becoming more like Christ – not spiritual perfection.

Today, through CR, through accountability and through love of family, friends and my savior Jesus Christ, I have a lot of hope for the first time in over a year.   I feel I am on the right track in all areas of my life.  I am excited about what God is doing in my life and in the lives around me. I know that whatever the enemy throws our way, Jesus has already won the War.  

“In this world you will have trouble, but Take Heart! I have overcome the world!” –John 16:33. 

If you are new to CR or to recovery, this is a journey.  You will have good days and bad days.  You’ll have great seasons like I have and challenging seasons like I have.  It is up to you to live in His Grace and stay in Gratitude.  Its up to you work the program.  It’s up to you to trust God’s promises are true….and they are!

Here are some of God’s Promises to You:

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. 13 You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.   – Jeremiah 29:11-13

But now thus says the Lord,he who created you, O Jacob,he who formed you, O Israel:“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;I have called you by name, you are mine.2  When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,and the flame shall not consume you.3  For I am the Lord your God,the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.Isaiah 43:1-3

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. – Romans 8:28

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? – Romans 8:31-32

 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. – Romans 8:37-39

We have the power of Christ within us.  The Same Power that Conquered the Grave is in You and Me!  There is nothing that God can’t deal with if you allow Him to.  Nothing!  I will leave you with this quote from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous:

We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven’t got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us.Abandon yourself to God as you understand God.

Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.May God bless you and keep you - until then.p. 164 Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous